The Head Should Know Better
by Wandering Dawn
Summary: He wasn't good for her. Wasn't right for her. But that didn't stop the burning smouldering look she felt on her back every time he glanced in her direction   Lily/Teddy


He was too old. Much too old. He wasn't good for her. Wasn't right for her. But that didn't stop the burning smouldering look she felt on her back every time he glanced in her direction from across the yard when he was talking to her father. About what, she didn't know. Probably ministry business. Nothing she would be interested in. Even at twenty years old, she still couldn't stop the burning crush on the man she had once almost given everything to. Who she had been completely willing to give herself over to. But he had refused. He had told her that it wasn't right. That they couldn't do it. Then he stands there and had the audacity to look at her with burning love in his eyes, not just lust, pure unrequited love. And she hated him for it. She hated him because she knew that she was once willing, hoping, praying for him to look at her like that. Now she didn't want it. She didn't want her feelings to resurface, she didn't want her heart to continue pounding to the fast uneven dance it had created back in her seventh year of Hogwarts. She couldn't even think about how much she had wanted him. Because she knew. She knew that she would never have him the way she wanted to have him. Totally and completely devoted to only her.

That was the problem with Teddy Lupin, Lily decided, he was too chivalrous, too caring, too bothered about what other thought of him to truly follow his heart. She knew he didn't truly love Victoire, but he was with her because the family had expected it, pushed it, made it so socially desirable he could not refuse anymore. She, on the other hand, was forbidden fruit. The most socially undesireable thing on the planet. But that didn't stop him wanting her. He couldn't ignore his heart's continuous leaps of pain and jealousy as she turned away from his gaze, back to her boyfriend, Theo Zabini. How he hated him. She could tell she didn't really like him touching her. The way her eyes became guarded and her shoulders tensed as he put his hand on her hip and moved in to kiss her. The way she kept her eyes open when they kissed. She had never done that between their stolen kisses. Their kisses that had been filled with fiery passion, that he knew could never happen again.

A tinkling of a glass brought all their attentions on to his girlfriend of the moment, Victoire. "Can I have your attention please? I haven't told anyone this before now, not even Teddy, I wanted it to be a surprise for you all. Teddy," she turned to face him with the widest smile on her face possible, "You're going to be a father."

Teddy's blood ran cold. His hair, he was sure, had just turned a dark murky brown colour, so unlike himself who liked to keep it vibrant and exciting, just like his mother had. He watched as many people ran to hug Victoire. He turned away from them and ran into the house, Harry chasing after him. Confusion was evident in the Potter's face, but that wasn't the Potter's expression he was seeking out. The red-headed beauty had left as soon as the words had left Victoire's mouth. He knew that if she had stayed, her expression would be of pain. Or that perfected cool hard shell that she had become accustomed to in her years of being the only Potter or Weasley to ever grace to Slytherin house.

"Ted, stop, what's wrong?" he could hear Harry panting softly behind him. He was getting much too old to be running around after his children and god son.

Teddy turned to him with tears in his eyes. "It's not mine." He didn't care that she had cheated, in fact it gave him an excuse to get away from the girl who the whole family had expected him to be with. The wrong girl.

Harry's face blanched slightly. "How do you know?"

"Because..." Teddy bit his lip, his hair turning a shade of violet as his guilty emotions set in. "Because I've been secretly using the contraception charm and the potion. Every. Single. Damn. Time. She wanted kids, I wasn't ready. She kept pushing me into it and I just let her believe we were trying. I know I'm a horrible person but I know that that baby... it's not mine!" he started shaking with sobs. He didn't understand why he was so upset. He was glad she had cheated. He was not glad that Lily had been around to hear the lie.

Harry's arms wrapped slowly around his godson. He whispered words of comfort before the burning question tumbled from his lips. "Ted, I don't understand why you aren't ready for kids. You've been married to Vic since you were nineteen. You're now thirty one."

Teddy bit his lip. He had hoped to avoid this. He had hoped that he or Vic wouldn't be able to have kids. He had hoped that this never had to come up in conversation. Especially not with the man who had taken him in, treated him like his own son, almost adopted him. It was like incest. He had grown up with Lily. Why did he have to have these disgusting thoughts about her? "Because I don't love Victiore. I don't think I have since I left Hogwarts." Harry's eyes were searching. Teddy knew what the next question would be, so he decided to just come out with it. "I'm sorry, Harry, I felt pressured, I didn't know what else to do. I married her because I thought it was the right thing to do."

Harry sighed. He knew that Fleur had always put pressure on Teddy, constantly making jokes or hinting, or just out right asking Teddy when he was going to marry Victoire and give her lots of beautiful metamorphagus grandchildren. He searched Teddy's eyes again. "You love someone else," he stated. He could read his godson like an open book. He was surprised by the ability to hide his feelings for so long. Usually Teddy was the worst liar in the world. Teddy nodded tentatively. Harry broke into a grin. "Fuck Victoire, if she cheated on you, fuck her. Follow your heart, Ted. You deserve to be happy."

Teddy chuckled at the irony of the situation. He thought about coming out with her name, whispering it, then taking the blow Harry would have given him. Or he could choose to be a coward, go after Lily and then let Harry stew for a few weeks whilst he whisked his daughter off and put her under house arrest, banned from seeing Teddy. He shook the thought off, after all, hadn't he been the one to suggest he follow his heart?

"I'm in love with Lily."

Harry's face visibly paled as he realised he had just given Teddy permission to go after his daughter. But then, unexpected to Teddy, a wide grin broke out on his face. He enveloped Teddy in the most awkward hug he had ever experienced. He wondered for a moment if he was playing like an anaconda, waiting to crush their victim in their tight squeeze before devouring them for breakfast. "I always hated that Zabini kid. Go, Teddy. I want to see you happy. I want to see her happy." Teddy pulled back unable to believe what he was hearing. After all this time, he had avoided mentioning this because he was afraid he'd be exiled, disowned, pushed away. Yet here Harry was, welcoming him into his family as a real and true member. His hair turned a bright shade of yellow to show his happiness before turning back to, what Teddy called his 'muggle deceptive', chocolate brown that matched his eyes so perfectly. "Besides, perverse runs in your family." He laughed softly before turning away, signalling the end of their conversation.

Teddy smiled before disapperating to the one place he knew Lily would go when she was upset. The place only he knew about because she had taken him there on her seventeenth birthday, where the first of their stolen kisses had begun.

XXXX

_You're going to be a father._ Those words rang over and over in Lily's mind, a thousand time a minute as she quickly disapperated after hearing them. Instantly, she was bent over the toilet throwing up her dinner forcibly, as she always did when Teddy and Victoire decided to reveal big news around her. She didn't have a problem or anything, she just found it a very good coping method, much less obvious than cutting, much less dangerous than restricting her food. She didn't have a problem with the way she looked or acted, she just felt like sometimes she needed to feel as empty as her heart was. That's all it had been for the last two years. Empty. She knew Zabini was probably trying to follow her appiration so she decided to avoid him a little longer, it's not like she cared what he thought of her anyway. Her next appiration brought her to the top of a set of cliffs. The same cliffs in which her parent's had taken her to as a child after Albus and James had left for Hogwarts without her. She had been upset and her parents knew it, so they brought her here, just to watch the waves and to explore the caves. Sighing she sat down on a rock near the edge. She had been deluding herself. Of course they would have kids. They were thirty for god's sake. But that didn't stop the incessant nawing of her stomach or the crushing feeling of hurt and betrayal. She knew she had no right to feel this way, but she couldn't help it. The heart wants what it wants. The head should just know better.

So absorbed in her thoughts she didn't hear the faint crack of Teddy apparating in. She didn't notice his footsteps as he walked towards her. But when his voice rang in her ears she began to cry silently. "What're you doing here, Lupin? Shouldn't you be off with your wife basking in married life and all that shit?"

Teddy's heart broke a little at the harshness in her voice and statement. She hadn't called him Lupin ever. Not even when she was a kid. He had always been Ted or Teddy. Her first word was his name. Now it felt like he would never hear it fall from her lips again.

"Lil, please, that's not fair-"

"No, Lupin," she began to shout turning to face him, moving right up to his face, her nose almost touching as her eyes screamed of pain and hatred. "What's not fair is you! You're not fair to me. You told me two years ago that you didn't love Vic, you told me that you loved me, and I said it back but because of some stupid social desireability you left me in the cold and you went back to her, begging and pleading her her to forgive you, that you'd never leave her and that she was the 'one' for you. You told me that I was the one, do you remember that? Do you think it's fair that every time we have these stupid little family parties I have to watch you go home with her every time? That I have to watch as m heart breaks as she kisses you and rubs your sides and the back of your neck like I used to? You think it's fair that you and her are allowed to be close because you're the same age? That you can't even look at me inappropriately in case anyone is watching? You think it's fair that you care so much about what others think that you're willing to be miserable without me? Because I know you are. I see it whenever you look at her, it's not the same as when you look at me. I want you to be able to look at me without your hair turning blue or purple with guilt and trepidation, wondering if you had been caught. I want to be with you god damn it! Why can't you see that? Why'd you have to go and get her pregnant?"

"Lil, the baby isn't mine. She cheated on me. I didn't want to have kids with her. I... I always imagined m kids being red-headed and petite... just like their mother." She gasped softly as he pressed his lips to hers. She pulled away quickly, not allowing it escalate further than a small peck.

"No, you're not going to do this to me again. I won't let you. If you're not willing to break it off with her, if you're going to go and do the chivalrous thing and stay with her because she's pregnant then leave. Now. GO!" Tears were streaming down her face again as she pushed him away from her before turning to flee away from him.

He grabbed her wrist tightly, not allowing her to run away from him again. "I'm going to divorce her, Lil. I'm not in love with her anymore, I am in love with you and I'm not scared of your family finding out, your dad already knows. He told me to follow my heart and come after you."

"The head should have known better."

"Probably," he said pulling her back to him. He kissed her softly again making it, what Lily believed to be, incredibly clichéd. Allowing her eyes to flutter closed she pressed herself into him feeling the burning of raw desire take over and flow through her veins. He softly brushed his thumb against her cheek whilst the other hand traced the tiny tattoo of the moon just below her hairline on the back of her neck. He pulled back with a smile and whispered, "It'll be incredibly dangerous being around me once a month."

"If you can live with me, I can live with you, maybe we can sync our PMs together," she chuckled softly leaning up to kiss him again. He gladly accepted her offer before wrapping his arms around her waist. He slowly lowered her to the ground, their limbs becoming tangled as he hurriedly charmed a blanket beneath them as they joined together in the way they had wanted to since their first kiss. Lily had finally given herself completely to him, just as she had always wanted to. He may have been much too old but her heart didn't care. Her head just didn't know any better and for once, stopped arguing and just let her enjoy it.

**AN: Reviews, please?**


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